While politicin' with my sister from New York City

She say she know this ball player and he think I'm pretty

Had a fun filled weekend, but really it goes by too quickly. I'm looking forward to next weekend though, Korean BBQ, the beach and maybe shopping in Buffalo!

I've been reading this blog because one night I was flipping through blogs on my phone and stumbled upon this one. At first, it was funny and I actually had a few lol's moments. Plus, i'm single and I'm trying to find out how guys think, so I won't single anymore (other than the whole self-sabotage thing that has happened with the last 3 guys I was dealing with).
Now, this blog is a little bit male chauvanistics, but for the most part, I think it's kinda true. It's my inisght into a guys brain. Now, there are a few posts that deal with specifically black women, but the majority of it can be applied to women in general.
Now, this blog mostly says that if you can't get and keep a man, then the problem is you. And if you do read my blog, you know, that my commenters all think that I do have some mental issues too.
Now here's my question; should I try to be sane to attact and keep the guy? And if I do, then there's always the issue of me eventually morphing back into my insane self, because my "sane" self will all be just a front anyways, right??

pyscheeeeee....

Back behind this little smile I wore......

......How I wished that you were mine.

FML

While on a date with a new suitor this was the conversation that went down:

Me: What kind of girls do you usually go for?
Him: I'm usually attracted to the beautiful girls. You know, the ones who stop traffic and captures everyones attention when they walk into the room......
Me: ***blushes, while smiling broadly***
Him:.....but those girls usually dump me for the hot guy with the luxury sports car and penthouse condos. So i've since decided to only date ugly girls with low self esteem who can't get a better guy
Me: ***Blank stare***

Now, don't go getting any ideas.........

you see i loved hard once
but the love wasn't returned
i found out the man i'd die for he wasn't even concerned
in time it turned
he tried to burn me like a perm
though my eyes saw the deception, my heart wouldn't let me learn
For, some dumb woman was I
and every time he'd lie
he would cry and inside i'd die
my heart must have died a thousand deaths
compared myself to Toni Braxton thought I'd never catch my breath
nothing left, he stole the heart beating from my chest
i tried to call the cops that type of theif they can't arrest
pain suppressed will lead to cardiac arrest
diamonds deserve diamonds but he convinced me I was worth less
when my peoples would protest
i told 'em mind they business 'cause my shit was complex
more than just the sex
i was blessed but couldn't feel it like when i was caressed
i'd spend nights clutchin my breast overwhelmed by god's test
i was god's best, contemplatin death because you left
but no man is ever worth a paradise manifest

She knows I'm watching

She likes the way I stare.......

**WARNING WARNING WARNING***
Really, really, really long post

I'm not sure if you remember this or not, but if not, refresh yourself. At the end of it, there was a part about Officer ****....or Nat....or Knatt....Well, whatever, Officer Looking-Good-but-probably-married-and-somewhat-psycho-but-nonetheless-drop-dead-gorgeous.
Ok, some back info on our "history" if you will. We were involved in a case together about 6 years ago (I was a witness to a heinous crime and he was one of the officers that were called to the scene). Well, the crime ended making it's way to trial, so I had to give my statement to him. He was definately a hottie. And a cop!! I ♥ cops. Anyways, he called one day to give an update on the trial or something, I honestly don't remember, and he ended up asking me out for coffee!! I knew that I was blushing on the phone. I'm a nerd, I know. Anyways, we tried to find some time to meet up for a while. He always wanted to meet while he was working. My mother made it known that she thinks he's married, and that's why he's always trying to get together when he works. And he only called me when he was at work too. So right before we actually went to trial, he went MIA. I called his division (Canadian terms for precinct) and he was on a leave of absense. Meli and I both thought that he had gone crazy and was taking time off. My mother thought that he went to India to get married. He was now an additional write off in my history of failed relationships.
Well, apparently Officer Hottie is back in town. Turns out that he really did go on a leave of absense. He went undercover to Vancouver, and 'leave of absense' is the terminology that you use for such occassions. How do I know, you ask. Well, he just happened to drive by my house when I wasn't home, and my parents and their subtle selves waved to him. WAVED.TO.HIM!!!! He came into the driveway and started talking to them and my dad ended up telling him I wasn't home and that I would be home tomorrow. Needless to say, I was giddy. Sure my parents lack tact, but hey, they get the job done.
The next day, Officer Too-Hottie shows up again!! I was at a birthday party though, so I wasn't home. I suspected he might be coming, but I didn't want to be home anyways, because I didn't get my eyebrows done. Plus, I had gained some weight in my mid section, and I am now a fat ass. And since he's gorgeousssss, I didn't want to be a let down. So, my dad gave him my number. Did I mention that I love my daddy. Yes, even my dad knew about my infatuation with Officer Gorgeous. So at the party, Officer Hottie ends up calling and we talk for a bit. After a little conversation, I had to go back, because it was Baby's turn at eating the donut on a string. Don't ask. Well Officer Mui-Good-Looking and myself end up texting for the whole party.
Now, here's the interesting part; he was looking for a booty call. He made it known right off the bat. I got offended and shut down the conversation. I mean, is that even allowed for a cop? Aren't they supposed to be society's prime citizens?!?! Since when is being easy a characteristic of an outstanding member of society??? Anyways, as per her, there was a better way to handle the situation. So a week after the shutdown conversation, I sent another text to apologise for the way I handled the situation, but I wasn't interested in a physical relationship only. I wasn't necessarily looking for long term, but definately not looking for booty calling. He said he understood but still wanted to talk. I honestly liked the attention I was getting from him.
He was still all about the coffee thing, but I really do have a tight schedule and don't really have time to date. So one night, he's like he'll bring the coffee to my house and we can just sit outside. I said ok, as that is all that I could do at the moment. See how exciting my social life is; I only have time for a coffe at 10:30 at night. I digress. Here are some "highlights" of our conversation:

OH (Officer Hottie): I moved to **** from ********
Me: Me too. Where abouts in *******?
OH: *****. It was such a shock to move from *****, because my best friend was black, and I had oriental friends, and west indian and white.
Me: Really, I thought you would've been comfortable around all these Indian people........

I then proceed to tell him the story of one of my friends whom I was reallly really close to in high school and in the last year she pulls away from us (the multi-cultural crew in high school) to hang with "her own kind".

Me: Thanks for the coffee. How come you didn't get one? (He was drinking a bottle of water)
OH: I don't drink coffee.
Me: Really? I thought all cops hang out at Tim Hortons (Canada's less expensive, simpler [none of this grande, vente nonsense] version of Starbucks).
OH: No, actually alot of police officers don't like coffee.
Me: Oh, it must be the donuts then......

Oh, and the best part was he was texting me when I met him and I showed him the text that he just sent. I have him saved in my phone as 'Officer Jackass'.
But even after all of that, when I left, he said that we would still meet in two days. That was our original "date". And he even texted me before I went to sleep. I didn't think my conversation deterred him.

But I haven't heard from him since. I'm not sure if I did something, or maybe he was really looking for a booty call, and didn't want to waste anymore time with me. Maybe he needed some time to let the conversation soak in before he realised that I am a raving lunatic. I don't know.

I'm beginning to think that maybe there is something wrong with me.

I'm losing you..........

.............and it's effortless

"There's a luggage limit for every passenger on a flight. The same rules apply to your life. You must elimiate some baggage before you can fly."

- Rosalind Johnson

I forgot to say outloud, how beautiful you really are to me......

I can't be without, you're my perfect little punching bag

Dear Mr. Right,

I know you are out there looking for me, as I am for you. One day, we will meet (again), because I am sure I met you three years ago, when I went clubbing with my friends. You were my dream guy. No really, everything I thought you would be (down to your name and age). It was my self-sabotage that once again deflected you. I know that I will meet you again and we will live happilly ever after forever and ever and ever because you will have forgiven me for acting a fool 3 years ago. I am (somewhat) waiting patiently. Standing at 6ft, you will weight between 150-175 and have curly hair. You do not gel your hair or put any of that crap in it. I know you will have a good job and your own car and goals in lilfe. I know you will be funny, and smart and enjoy good food because you can cook. You will also be tolerate of my mood swings and my need to watch anything reality and my constant hunger.
I don't even need to put in how you need to feel about my daughter because that is a given.
Can't wait to meet you (again)!!

Sincerely Yours,
llleeesssaaa

I refuse to believe

You do not think of me, like I do you
So my cousin has a boyfriend. This bothers me two ways (well more than two ways, but I'll give you the two foremost reasons). 1. He's a customs officer. Now, I really, really have a thing for any guy in a uniform. My gay ex-boss and I agreed (mind you, this was probably the only time we agreed) that if a guy is a "6" in real life, he automatically jumps to at least an "8" in a uniform. Also, I work in logisitcs, so I deal with customs alot. In this new position that I am in, I actually make runs to customs. There was this one customs officer that I was actually, I guess you could almost call it, stalking. I knew he wroked on Tuesday's and Wednesday's after 1 pm. I didn't know his name, and they rotate positions, so he's now been moved. He's bound to come back to this post again. Anyways, I straying from the point. It's not even that he's probably a hottie (I saw him on her profile pic on fb, (and only profile pic, b/c she's not even on my friends list. I told you, stalker tendencies.) And he's not that good looking, maybe in his uniform he could be a 5, 5.5 max. Definately not my type. But it's the fact, that he was what i'm supposed to be. I don't want to get into it, b/c I make myself cry, but it's totally not fair (again, it is fair and it's all my fault anyways, i'm just dodging responsibility). 2. She's my cousin, but we can't pick and choose our family. She's ugly. Mind you some people might think she's pretty, but I think she has a big nose. Her hair reminds me of a portuguese water dog (think Gavin Rossdale's dog, Winston) and she talks with a funny accent (SHUT UP!!!!). She's boring and unintelligent and short.

I'm not mean or angry......i'm jealous.

'Cause summer is here, i'm still waiting there

Winter is here
And I'm still waiting there

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Robert Nesta Marley

Feng Shui yo' ass

With a bed in the corner of your room you might have a hard time finding a functional love relationship and might suggest that you're not ready and hiding away from love.