Thursday, June 24, 2010

I live for the nights that I can't remember

With the people that I won't forget
I teef''d it, b/c I thought it was funny.
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will receive an ' HST Compensation'' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'HST Compensation' payment ?
A. It is money that the provincial government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the economy by spending your compensation cheque wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka ...
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go
to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in Canada by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to hockey games, or
3) Spending it on a hooker, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only Canadian businesses still operating in Canada . )

Go to a hockey game with a tattooed hooker you met at a yard
sale and drink beer all day !
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I'm standing on my Monopoly Board

(That means i'm on top of my game)
Thank you for bringing back rap.
♥ this white boy.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

No welfare supporters

more conscious of the way we raise our daughters.....

This was initally supposed to be a post about my wayward daughter, but I think she has endeared enough embarrasment for a while.
Instead, for your entertainment, I provide this:

1. It’s 2AM and you are not home. You are more than likely:
Sleeping over at Meli’s house or out dancing
2. What’s the last thing you spent more than $100 on?
Babygirl’s sparring equipment
3. What do your bank checks look like?
They’re green……….
4. Where did the shirt you are currently wearing come from?
Suzy Shier
5. Name something that will be on your Christmas wish list:A condo
6. What color is your toothbrush?
Green and white
7. Name something you collect and tell us about it.
I collect receipts and that’s only because I never clean out my bag/wallet anywhere near enough.
8. Last restaurant you ate at. Who were you with? How was it?
Pho, I went with Meli and as per usual, it was GREAT!!!!
9. Who was the last person you bought a birthday card for?
10. What is your worst bad habit?
Eating an excessive amount of junk food
11. Name a magazine you subscribe to?
12. Your favorite pizza toppings?
Anchovies, but no on else likes it
13. Whose number were you looking up the last time you used a phone book?
A phone book??
14. Other than family, who is the person that you love most?
Nah, family is all I have room for in my heart. I’m cold blooded.
15. What is the last thing you cooked?
Que??? I do not cook.
16. Name something you wouldn’t want to buy used?
Most things other than cars….and houses
17. Which shoe do you put on first?
My right one
18. What is the last thing you remember losing?
My mind……..
19. What is the ugliest piece of furniture in your house?
Those cabinets we have in the dining room; they’re so aged and coolie looking
20. Last thing you bought and ended up returning?
I’m sure it must have been something from Walmart……I don’t usually return things.
21. What perfume/cologne do you wear? If none, why?
Lacoste Pink
22. Your favorite board game?
Whatever Babygirl feels like playing at that moment.
23. What was the last board game you played?
24. Where did your vehicle come from?
Toyota……….so Japan??
25. If a movie was made about your life what would the theme song be?
Wow…..that’s a really good question…….umm, let’s see, the ommodores - Brick House, bwahahahaha
26. You’re sad, who can cheer you up easily?
Babygirl, unless she’s the one who made me sad. Then no one!
27. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?
Red with black sashes I think.
28. What house cleaning chore do you hate to do the most?
29. What is your favorite way to eat chicken?
I’m not so much of a poultry fan. Fried I guess…….
30. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is?
Ice-cream, nom, nom, nom

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Im chuckin my deuces up

All that bullshit is for the birds
You aint nothin but a vulture
Always hopin for the worst
Waiting for me to fuck up up
You’ll regret the day when I find another girl, yeah
Who knows just what I need,
she knows just what I mean
When I tell her keep it drama free
I told you that im leaving (deuces)
I know you mad but so what?
I wish you best of luck
And now im bout to throw them deuces up

Im on some new shit
Im chuckin my deuces up to her
Im moving on to something better, better, better
No more tryin to make it work
You made me wanna say bye bye, say bye bye, say bye bye to her

Uh, Use to be valentines
Together all the time
Thought it was true love, but you know women lie
Its like I sent my love with a text two times
Call cause I care but I aint get no reply
Tryna see eye to eye but its like we both blind
Fuck it lets hit the club, i rarely sip but pour me some
Cause when its all said and done,
I aint gon be the one that she can always run to
I hate liars, fuck love Im tired of tryin
My heart big but it beat quiet
I don’t never feel like we vibin
Cause every time we alone its a awkward silence

So leave your keys on the kitchen counter
And gimme back that ruby ring with the big diamond
Shit is over, whatchu trippin for?
I don’t wanna have to let you go
But baby I think its better if I let you know

Look, my shorty always on some bullshit like Chicago
So I flip that middle finger and the index finger follow
Deuces, we aint got no future in tomorrow

I’m a dick, so it shouldn’t be that hard to swallow
The other chick Im with never complain
She make wanna leave the one im with Usher Raymond
Probably didn’t register, don’t trip, later on it will
Shorty full of drama like gangsta grizzles
I finally noticed it, it finally hit me
Like Tina did Ike in the limo, it finally hit me
I got a new chick, and she aint you
She paula patton thick She give me déjà vu
And all that attitude, I don’t care bout it
But all that shit I do for her, you gon hear bout it
Breezy rep two up, two down
But im just puttin two up, chuckin up the deuce now